Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
