my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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