i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
