Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
