I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
