Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Randomize
