I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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