sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
