Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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