i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Four minutes until I can fart!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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