I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
