We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
