My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I want a musical about memes.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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