I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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