My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
