i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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