But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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