Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
