i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
