super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize