Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
