Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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