Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
