you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
