shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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