When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I want her autograph on my taint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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