her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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