I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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