you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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