I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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