i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize