I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
