This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
