I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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