So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Randomize