bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
