operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
