I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Semen is not good for contacts.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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