I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
