I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
