What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
