So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So vagazzling was a success
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
