He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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