Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
