just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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