I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
