im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Someone came in the potted fern
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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