I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
