I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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