Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
