Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
