shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just gargled with NyQuil
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
