Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
