Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
