i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
