the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
